The Story: The Opry and Me

 ...sometimes being happy can be self destructive even when you're sane, you're only insane...  My Song

Brandi Carlile via

If you know me, you know I love music. All kinds of music. And there is nothing I like more than finding new artists, really great voices or songwriters, before they go mainstream. 
About 6 years ago, I found Brandi Carlile. (Okay, so, technically, 'I' didn't discover her...) I had heard one of her songs on one Grey's Anatomy and ended up downloading her entire library. Much to my surprise, 20+ songs later, I still hadn't heard anything I didn't LOVE!

oh, lord, what can I say? I'm so sad since you went away. Time, time, ticking on me. Alone is the last place I wanted to be. Lord, what can I say?  What Can I Say

Before shot of a dressing room (May '07)

Fast forward a couple of years; I get an opportunity of a lifetime when the show I had worked on for 3 years is asked to assist in the renovation of one of country music's greatest institutions, the Grand Ole Opry. In addition to helping plan the redesign of four dressings rooms, I got the special privilege of making weekly visits to interview performers visiting for the Tuesday & Saturday night shows. I got paid to hang out backstage and do interviews with the likes of Dierks Bentley, Rodney Atkins, Pam Tillis & Craig Morgan. Yes, I was a pretty lucky girl!

Me & Rodney Atkins (June'07)

Me & Dierks Bentley (May '07)

Taking you with me would be like taking all your money to the grave; it does no good to anyone, especially the one your trying to save. But it's so hard not to save. Tragedy

photo courtesy: Associated Press

But this was not the first time I had been to the Opry. Actually, in the fall of 1999, my freshman year at UT, I made my first visit to the Opry house with my DECA friend Tracey and a new friend we made at school, Amber. Amber's dad was friends with the house drummer. So, naturally, when we went home with Amber one weekend, we got to experience a Saturday night show from one of the most coveted spots in the house...sitting on the stage in front of the legendary red barn.

I started losing sleep & gaining weight. Wishing I was 10 again, so I could be your friend again. Turpentine

photo courtesy: Associated Press

Over the course of the last 12 years, I've entered the Opry house hundreds of times, but last week was a first for me. It was the first time I had to pay to see a performance, but more importantly, it was the first time I've entered through the front doors!

Should've learned to style my hair. So I could never sleep at night. I've never mastered eating right. Distracted by the skin I wear. Eye Of The Needle

The best TV production crew. EVER. (May '07)

Me & Josh Turner (May '07)

A milestone, to say the least, but it was also very cathartic. Many of my Opry memories are tied to the events that were happening in my life at those times. In 1999 it was the challenges & first experiences as a young naive freshman in college, living away from home for the first time. A few years later, I had just broken up with the guy I thought I might marry, because I thought it was a good career move (ha! If I had known then...). It would be an understatement to say that these things were running through my mind constantly in the days leading up to my return.

The path of least resistance is catching up with me again today.  Again Today

Me & Little Jimmy (June '07)

Of course, I didn't know of Brandi Carlile in college. (I'd say only a handful of people, mostly in the Seattle area, did.) Although, I am sure I would have played her CDs on a constant loop, much like I did Alanis Morrisette in high school, had I known she was out there! Aside from her hauntingly beautiful voice, Carlile has a way of writing lyrics that can make your heart burst with emotion while simultaneously ripping it to shreds. (Much like Adele, only grittier...if possible) When I saw that she was playing the Opry with Ray LaMontagne, I knew I had to be there.

Follow your heart and see where it might take you. Don't let the world outside there break you. They know not who you are inside. They've never felt your hell. Follow

photo courtesy: Associated Press

After work on Wednesday, with my new friend, Melissa Ellis in tow, I headed to Nashville. So much has happened since the last time I visited the Opry. Despite making every effort to maintain control, my life has endured massive & permanent changes that have completely broken me down. And let's not forget the flood of 2010 that left the Opry & most of Nashville under water. All the work we did to renovate those dressing rooms was undone with the passing of a storm. Much like the Opry, I too have had to rebuild. The irony of the whole thing is not lost on me.

...all my friends who think that I'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess... The Story 

I didn't feel worthy to step on the infamous circle. photo by: S.Kowal

For me, the full circle moment came as I listened to the most heartbreaking performance of The Story I had ever heard. Sitting practically in the rafters staring down at the infamous wooden circle at the forefront of the Opry stage, I got lost for a moment, remembering some of the biggest moments of my life, good & bad. And for the first time I began to wonder what the greater plan is. If everything has a purpose, what purpose does the heartbreak serve? What was the purpose of allowing a silly renovation project to completely take over my life for eight weeks in the summer of 2007, to have all the hard work completely undone? How could I have made so many huge decisions so casually, like I was incapable of being wrong? I put so much time, energy and importance on things, that just a few years later, wouldn't even be a part of my life. 
Before I even knew it, the tears had begun to fall and for the first time in years I felt myself let go. And then it hit me. The purpose is not to accomplish our own goals, the purpose must be greater. The purpose is about getting back up when your knocked down. It's about finding a way around the challenges & it's got to be about learning to let yourself give in when every instinct is telling you not to. The purpose isn't about one thing or person. It's about discovering who you are, when everything on the outside is removed.

It's not about hanging on. It's making my deal with God. If I could call one last truce. We've given it all we've got. The Heartache Can Wait

After: Women of Country Dressing Room (June '07)

The Opry experience was something I wanted to hold onto for as long as possible. Not for the projects completed in the renovation or the country music stars I met & interviewed, but for the friendships that were formed there and the people who are no longer in my life. Nostalgia is a funny thing; it's the only version of history that can turn tears into laughter and wipe away all anger and heartache, leaving memories of only the good stuff.

I was angry. I was a baptist. I was a daughter. I was wrong. That Year

Brandi Carlile via

While I enjoyed one of my favorite artists performing on a legendary stage, I couldn't help but wonder, was that the best I would get? Have I peaked too early? Will the rest of my life just be average? 
If so, I think I could be okay with that, but honestly, I feel like I've barely gotten started and I can't wait to see where the next rabbit hole takes me!




September 21, 2011:





Bonus SOTD: Brandi Carlile - "Creep"