"What do you want from me? I'm not america's sweetheart...but you love me anyway".
Some people measure life by success. That's a pretty broad spectrum. If you ask five people to define success, you'll likely get five different definitions. For me, the measure of a persons life can't be simplified in this way. I believe accomplishments are of some value, while you are alive, but it's what you leave behind that truly defines your existence.
I've spent quite some time thinking about my own life lately and I don't want to be defined by what I accomplish or the positions I hold. And honestly, I've done some pretty amazing things in the last 35 years, in large part because of the jobs I've had and positions I held. But if it all were to end tomorrow, I wouldn't want to be remembered for producing almost compelling television or being relentless in my efforts to help fix a broken Medicaid system.
I would want my legacy to be one of generosity and kindness.
Between my niece, two nephews and two god daughters - not to mention countless others I love dearly - the best way I know to teach these values is by showing them with my own actions.
It started with Gabby (the oldest goddaughter). I remember when she was just starting to walk and get into EVERYTHING and not ever having kids of my own, it could be frustrating at times. But I was acutely aware that she was not just learning how to get around, but also how to show her emotions. I would smile, and she would smile back. Perhaps I was too gentle with her, but I refused to raise my voice or ever spank her for doing something wrong. By the time Callista (the younger goddaughter) was that age, they were both aware of the face I would make if they did something I didn't approve of - and for me, this was heartbreaking. Without saying a word, with a single glare, Gabby would begin to cry because she knew she had disappointed me. It didn't happen often. But when it did, I had to quickly leave the room because if her heart was broken, you could bet mine was too.
A few years later, my brother's first son, Kaden, was born premature. Lucky for me I lived just a few miles away from the Children's hospital he stayed at for the first month of his little life and would often go sit with him on my lunch hour and weekends. I remember spending one of my birthdays in the NICU because I could finally hold him. I would sit for hours and rock him in one of the wooden chairs. After he was released, I didn't get to see him nearly as often, because I was always too busy working to make the 45 minute drive from Knoxville to Crossville and if I had a day off, all I wanted to do was sleep. It would be a few years later, when I moved back home, before we had a bond like we did when he was born.
By this time, my brother had also given me a niece, Jorja, and a second nephew, Myles. That's a lot for anyone, but let's just say, maybe populating the planet shouldn't have been his biggest priority. Although, now, I wouldn't have it any other way!
Why did I feel the need to share all of this? It's simple. I'm more concerned with what these tiny humans think about me than anyone who actually reads this blog. I want the way I live to match the lectures I give about being kind and generous. If my life isn't showing them the right moral compass, I have no business taking up space on the internet complaining about anything. Kids can cut through the BS - I'm not sure when, but adults tend to lose this somewhere along the way. I want to be the fun Aunt. Crazy Aunt Ceshia. But I never want them to look at me and say my life doesn't reflect anything less than kindness to all people or generosity when I can give.
None of us know how many days we will get on this earth. We will all have days of deep sorrow and others of emense Joy. That is no reason not to get up every morning and live life as if you didn't have the opportunity to right those you've wronged. The goal is to live in such a way that there are no wrongs that need to be right. But in the off chance you have a few of those out there, I encourage you to do whatever is necessary to fix it as soon as possible. Over use 'I Love You' and don't leave anything for another day, because we are not promised more days. We have right now. That's it.
My life will one day end. That's a fact that can be checked from any number of sources, not the least of which is Disney's 'The Lion King'. When people memorialize my life, the only thing I expect is that they will be smiling from the shared stories of good times we've shared and not worrying about the jobs I didn't get or people who walked away.
I'm alive right now and I'm not losing sleep over them. So, if you need my permission, here it is.
I'm not sure why this was the message I wanted to share today, but the next time you hear Elle King singing her anthem, think of me...and love me anyway.
Why did I feel the need to share all of this? It's simple. I'm more concerned with what these tiny humans think about me than anyone who actually reads this blog. I want the way I live to match the lectures I give about being kind and generous. If my life isn't showing them the right moral compass, I have no business taking up space on the internet complaining about anything. Kids can cut through the BS - I'm not sure when, but adults tend to lose this somewhere along the way. I want to be the fun Aunt. Crazy Aunt Ceshia. But I never want them to look at me and say my life doesn't reflect anything less than kindness to all people or generosity when I can give.
None of us know how many days we will get on this earth. We will all have days of deep sorrow and others of emense Joy. That is no reason not to get up every morning and live life as if you didn't have the opportunity to right those you've wronged. The goal is to live in such a way that there are no wrongs that need to be right. But in the off chance you have a few of those out there, I encourage you to do whatever is necessary to fix it as soon as possible. Over use 'I Love You' and don't leave anything for another day, because we are not promised more days. We have right now. That's it.
My life will one day end. That's a fact that can be checked from any number of sources, not the least of which is Disney's 'The Lion King'. When people memorialize my life, the only thing I expect is that they will be smiling from the shared stories of good times we've shared and not worrying about the jobs I didn't get or people who walked away.
I'm alive right now and I'm not losing sleep over them. So, if you need my permission, here it is.
I'm not sure why this was the message I wanted to share today, but the next time you hear Elle King singing her anthem, think of me...and love me anyway.
