be mine?!?

SOTD: Cheap Trick - 'I Want You To Want Me'

It's been a while. I'm not used to being on the vulnerable side of these feelings, but much to my surprise, here I am. We are all in need of something/someone to remind us that we aren't alone. For me, this hasn't always been a big deal, but somehow I've found myself needing and wanting things that have never really been too important before. Maybe I'm a little lonely or maybe I'm just getting older, in either case, I've found myself in a very new and scary place.

You see, there's this guy...

We've known each other for over 15 years and recently we reconnected. At first it was just nice to chat with an old friend, but as our talks have become more frequent and predictable I've started looking forward to them with the anxious, excited, kind of nauseous, anticipation I used to get before a first date.

Am I crazy? My world has been turned upside down so much recently that some days I feel like I'm standing on my head and I'm thinking about putting it all out there to potentially end up with a pretty broken heart.

Maybe I'm just crazy enough!

Assuming my instincts aren't wrong, there are still a million reasons things might not work out - the least of which is a sizable distance between the places we call home. Funny thing is, in the past I would have turned this into a deal-breaker (I've been known to self-sabotage) but this time I'm already thinking about ways to make it work and make the most of the time we would have together. I don't think I'm crazy - crazy was the old me and I've definitely changed!

Obstacles aside, he gets me. He gets my ridiculous jokes. He gets my need for for attention and also my demand for space. He understands that I'm ambitious and wants nothing more than to celebrate my successes with me. Most importantly, he really is a good friend.

Partially inspired by the upcoming holiday and also motivated by my goal for 2011 to 'LIVE', I've got to step out into the unknown. As much as I like the goofy feelings that come from not knowing, it's time to sink or swim; I've got to tell him how I feel. There's a chance I might destroy a great friendship, but it won't be the end of the world if he doesn't feel the same.

Of course, if he does, it could very well be the beginning...