long overdue, really good news

SOTD: Vega 4 - "Life Is Beautiful"

Let me first say that I am blessed. I am blessed in more ways than I know, for reasons I may never understand. Blessed with the most supportive & thoughtful friends, a resilient family and the good sense to know how lucky I am!

If you have visited my blog before, you are probably already aware of my brother's brain cancer and subsequent surgeries. And judging from the number of phone calls, text messages and emails I've received over the last several weeks, I know many of you have been waiting for an update. It might sound crazy, but I've been putting off the 'Blog Post Update' because the news is so good I was almost afraid I would jinx it in someway by validating it here...I know, crazy, right?!?

So here you go...

The second surgery was MUCH easier for Andy. I guess they got a lot of the really painful and traumatic stuff out of the way the first time around. For the second surgery, an entry point had already been established, so getting to the cancer was breeze! Additionally, going in the 2nd time, our expectations were lowered as we had already been informed it was unlikely they would be able to get it all out and at least a few rounds of chemo were to be expected.

Imagine our surprise when after two weeks at his follow up with the Neurologist and Radiologist Andy was told THEY GOT IT ALL!!! No more surgery, No loss of vision & No Chemotherapy! (Have I mentioned how BLESSED I am?!?)

He continued with follow up visits for most of May and dispute bringing some of the sharpest minds in the medical field together for a round-table discussion about his case, there are still many anomalies associated with his diagnosis & recovery that continue to be a mystery. I think I have come to the conclusion that some things just aren't meant to be understood and instead of asking why it happened, I will ponder how so many positive things can come out of something so awful. As a whole, we are a stronger family with more tremendous faith and a deeper appreciation for the simple things in life.

Looking back at the last 4 months, I still can't believe what a roller coaster my life has been. If Andy's cancer was a free fall down the track, then I definitely feel like I'm climbing the next hill and moving on to a new and more exciting thrill!

I am so thankful to have such great friends and beyond grateful for my brother's health & speedy recovery!

wait. wait. wait.

SOTD: Michelle Featherstone "I'm There Too"

I've been putting off this update because I really didn't want to post more bad news, but due to the multiple emails and messages I've been getting for the last few days, I decided to share the information I have, regardless of how minuscule or not at all up-lifting.
So here it goes...
Andy is doing relatively well. Last week he returned to Chattanooga for another MRI; this one is to prepare for his next surgery, which will happen next Monday, May 2nd. The goal with the next surgery is to remove the cancer cells left behind during the previous surgery. Considering the amount of pain he was in after the first one, Andy was extremely reluctant to go back under the knife, but the doctor explained, if the second surgery isn't successful and they don't remove all the cancer cells, it will be terminal. I'm not sure I've ever hated a sentence more in my life.
The whole family was together for Easter and although he can now fully open his eye, I can't spend more than a minute or so with him without getting queasy and faint. It's not that his face is really hideous, I just have a heard time watching people I care for go through difficult things, especially painfully physical things like this!
So next will be the 2nd surgery on Monday, May 2nd. Please keep saying your prayers and hoping for the best. We are all just tip-toeing around until we see how things turn out after next week.
Sorry for what is probably the vaguest update I've ever written.

not at all what we were expecting

SOTD: Jo Dee Messina "Bring On The Rain"

In the few weeks that have passed since we heard about Andy's tumor, we've had time to absorb the shock and prepare ourselves for the probable diagnosis that would come after his surgery today. 

Or, at least I thought we had. 

Let me explain... 

His surgery began around nine o'clock this morning and when I hadn't heard anything at lunch, I called mom to check in. It was at this time I learned that it had been over an hour and a half since she had been given an update, but at that time, it was simply that he was asleep and the surgery was going well. I took this as a 'no news is good news' situation and continued to wait by the phone. 

Around 2:30pm I got a call from mom with the good news I had been waiting for, Andy was out of surgery! But there was bad news, and it was far worse than any of us were prepared for...

The tumor was larger than the doctors were expecting and despite their best efforts, they were unable to remove it all. It was discovered that the tumor was not Lymphoma as originally thought, but perhaps worse, it's a rare cancer that the doctors aren't familiar with. There were a few complications and a little more bleeding than normal which is expected to make for a longer and more painful recovery process. In the end, it took two screws and a plate to piece my little brother back together. 

Cells from the tumor are being sent to three of the best cancer research hospitals in the region and he his expected to return to Chattanooga next week for more definitive results. As for his current condition, I spoke with mom again around six o'clock tonight and she said he is in a lot of pain. He was able to see and recognize family members in his room about an hour earlier, but she said he did have some trouble completing sentences (which in all honesty could be a side effect of the sedatives or pain meds). Mom also mentioned that she didn't think Andy was aware of the outcome as of yet and she didn't know how or when they would try to explain it to him.

Assuming he doesn't have any set backs overnight, we anticipate he will be released tomorrow. He's got a tough road ahead, especially now that the worst case scenario just got even worse. None of us know what will happen next or how to prepare Andy for the difficult days that lie ahead, but we appreciate all the kind words and prayers you've sent our way more than you will ever know. 

Please continue to keep Andy in your prayers.

this will all make perfect sense someday

SOTD: The Wreckers - "Stand Still, Look Pretty"

Just when I think things are going pretty good something happens to remind me that life is short and we shouldn't take anything for granted. A little over a week ago we found out my little brother has a serious medical condition. His eye had been a little puffy and sore for a few weeks and he finally went to the doctor to get it checked out. After running a few tests, the doctor concluded the symptoms are the result of a tumor that is lodged between his eye and his brain. Naturally, there's more...after running a few more tests a presumptive diagnosis was made: Lymphoma.

We had no idea what life had in store...

Admittedly, I know very little about the disease except that it's a form of cancer. How is it that my 26 year old brother went from laughing about something stupid I said at dinner on Sunday night to being a cancer patient on Monday afternoon? None of this makes any sense to me. The reality of the situation is beginning to set in; he has a wife and four kids and we are having casual conversations about upcoming brain surgery and chemotherapy.

Life is so much easier when you know what comes next. Good or bad, if you know how the cards are gonna fall, it's much easier to deal with the hand you're dealt. Instead, by not knowing, when life does get tough, it often feels like we're existing entirely in a state of suspended terror. (And I'm not even the one with cancer this time!)

Andy & Shawna with baby Miles

The craziest part is that if you talked to my brother today, he wouldn't let on in any way that anything is wrong, let alone that inside he's scared to death. He's more concerned with watching the new Yogi Bear movie with Kaden or potty training Jorja. I honestly don't know when he grew into such a strong young man.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He is scheduled for brain surgery on April 4th at which time the doctors hope to extract the tumor. Because of it's location there is a great risk that he might lose some or all of his vision. Additionally, there is some danger of memory or motor function loss if there is any damage to his brain during the extraction. And if all that goes well, he will still need chemotherapy after the surgery and his recovery will take some time. If I could trade places with him, I would. He has so much to live for and I don't want him to miss even a minute of it. But I can't. Instead, I wait. And pray.

the heart of the matter

SOTD: Ray LaMontagne - "Be Here Now"

I come from a long line of broken hearts. 

My family tree has lots of heart...problems!

Not the emotionally challenged sort, but the stop pumping, skip a beat in a bad way, physically damaged kind.

A couple of weeks ago my Mom and Grandmother had individual visits with their cardiologist who ran common tests to check for any abnormalities and both of their tests came back with issues. As a result, they were both sent to Nashville for more invasive testing. 

To say that I've been a little 'out of sorts' the last 24 hours or so would be an understatement. 

In what I can only describe as typical 'Watson' timing, they had simultaneous exploratory surgical procedures this morning. Unfortunately, because of my fabulous new job, I was unable to take the day off to be with them at Vanderbilt, but that didn't stop me from worrying myself sick. 

It started with my 45 minute commute to work. I should have just listened to the radio this morning, but if you know me, you know that I am glued to my ipod in the car and in the great tradition of 'Musical Fortune' my random playlist couldn't have been more morose. Just check out a sampling below:

1. Katy Perry - Not Like the Movies

2. Carrie Underwood - Mama's Song (cue the water works)

3. Ray LaMontagne - Be Here Now

4. Lady Antebellum - Hello World

5. Adele - Don't You Remember

6. Brandi Carlile - Turpentine

(It's possible my music library is a little heavy on the slit your wrists and cry side, but I promise it's not all depressing!! Perhaps I could use a few, new, upbeat tracks...)

The good news, however, is that everything turned out just fine. Both Mom and Granny were out of surgery before lunch and even made it back home before dinner. Granny is getting around like she spent the day at the dentist (I really hope I have some of those genes!) while Mom is taking things a little bit easier. Early reports indicate that a change in diet and lifestyle (cutting out salt & stress) could do the trick, but there is no reason to believe that either one is in any immediate danger of stroke or heart attack.

What. A. Day.