The Tribe

 SOTD:  invisible string

"And isn't it just so pretty to think//All along there was some//invisible string//tying you to me?

In my 39th year of life I reconnected with three friends from high school. We weren't exactly friends back then. Some of our circles overlapped, but really, we didn't become great friends until just before the pandemic hit. If I'm being transparent, in high school I had friends, but I wouldn't say I was popular. The other girls were absolutely popular. Two were cheerleaders and the other was student council -- and did I mention they are all gorgeous?! If you had told me in 1999 that these three women would change my life with their friendship, I wouldn't have believed you. 

We call ourselves The Tribe because we each bring something unique to our group and when things get real, we support each other unconditionally. There's no such thing as a perfect friendship, but our Tribe is pretty close. Our anchor is Tami. She's the hostess, the therapist, and the one who keeps us glued together. Next is Misty. She's the mom of the group (because she's raising two badass young ladies); but she's also the most zen -- always available for a mental health break, and genuinely quick witted. Sarah is our third member. She was the last to join our Tribe in March of 2020, and honestly, until she joined us we weren't a complete Tribe. Sarah is the life of the party. She can talk about anything under the sun but she's happiest when she's in control of the music. And finally, there's me. I'd like to think I'm the voice of reason within our group, but honestly, I'm not sure. I bring tequila, truffle pizza, and goat cheese. I'm known for remembering obscure details and conversations, and saying anything that comes to mind. 

At least once a week we have informal Tribe meetings through a group text chain. It's never planned, but usually one of us sends a mini novel about something going on in their life and we all chat about it. The conversations that we spontaneously have before 8am would blow your mind. Our monthly(ish) in-person gatherings are one of the few things I've had to look forward to lately. During the pandemic, each of us took extreme precautions to protect people we love. In doing so, we made it safe to include each other in our individual pandemic bubbles, enough so that we felt safe continuing our gatherings regularly. When the four of us gather, it truly is one of my happiest places. I'm always sore from laughing the next day. And even if it's only for a few hours, when we are all there, it feels like I have real sisters -- something I've wanted my entire life. 

We talk about EVERYTHING. Nothing is too embarrassing, taboo, or off limits. Which is actually really great because there are so many things we all struggle through; most we don't talk about because it's something we are ashamed of or have a fear of judgement from others. But not us! Oh no. We actually plan the difficult conversations in our daily group text. There are also no expectations from the other Tribe members. We always look forward to seeing each other -- some meetings are wild and fun, others are chill and laid back. Tami has a gazebo patio at her house and it has become our official home base. The hammock swing chair is also officially "my spot." Over the last six months each one of us has gone through life changing challenges. What I love about my Tribe is how we all step up in times of trouble. No matter what is going on, if one of us needs another, we are there. Last fall when I had a nervous breakdown all three took time to connect with me one-on-one. I have never felt insignificant among them. 

I also trust them completely -- which is another difficult trait to acquire so late in life. But with this trust comes difficult conversations that I wouldn't normally share with anyone. Having the freedom to share because I trust them completely has allowed me to discover things about myself that might've stayed buried. And the weight of relief from being able to talk about all of it is so nice. 

They don't know this yet, but I have this idea for a novel that is loosely inspired by our lives and friendship. We share a common thread of being educators. We also share a common thread of going to the same high school in the late 90s. Telling our stories over multiple timelines, set in the school we grew up in...it practically writes itself. 

My Tribe is my sanity. I don't know how I'd survive without any of them. 

 

From our last Tribe meeting in February 2021.